


With This Ring, I Thee Wed

by Aer



Series: RobRae Week 2018 [4]
Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Crash The Wedding, Day 4, F/M, Humor, Robrae week 2018, for part of the fic, outsider pov, robrae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aer/pseuds/Aer
Summary: The Titans just wanted to catch a thief. The thief just wanted to get away. They both ran into a few complications. Who knew it was possible to crash your own wedding?





	With This Ring, I Thee Wed

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been looking forward to today’s prompt all week! I had so much fun coming up with this one. Hope you enjoy!

Jamie Mason was regretting _everything_ as he sprinted down the sidewalk. He was regretting the path of school drop out to crime he’d followed, he was definitely regretting picking the bank with the best security system to rob, (he made a mental note to kill Bob if he got out of this. ‘I can disable the highly advanced alarm system no problem,’ yeah, _right_ ). He definitely regretted trusting Bob, and regretted even more cutting gym every chance he could, as he panted and wheezed down the street. 

But most of all, what Jamie regretted was _choosing to rob the bank the day the Teen Titans were there for a safety inspection._ Because now all five were in hot pursuit down Main Street, and they were gaining. Somehow, Jamie got the feeling _they_ hadn’t skipped gym a day in their lives. The green one- a dog?- was almost in biting range, and the creepy floating one wasn’t far behind. Frantically, Jamie glanced around. There had to be somewhere he could hide, get them off his trail... 

He spotted the church a street over. At last, a sanctuary!

Putting on one final burst of speed, Jamie zigzagged through an alley and darted around the corner before running straight up the stairs and into the church foyer. The door slammed closed behind him. Around two hundred people, each dressed in wedding clothes, turned towards him, a low murmur rising as they processed the slight man that, wheezing, leaned against the door of their church. He could hear the voices of the Titans outside, and prepared to bolt. 

One of the brides spoke. “Oh good, are you the priest they sent?” She smiled warmly at him. “We were so worried when the original priest had to call out sick.” She gestured at the room behind the altar. “Your robes are right back there.”

Jamie seized onto the lifeline. “Yes! Yes, I definitely am, am the priest. I was running a little late.” He gasped, and she nodded. 

“Hurry and get dressed! The weddings are supposed to start in a few minutes.” She urged. Jamie blinked. 

Wedding _s_? Plural? His eyes landed on the banner hung over the sanctuary door. “COME JOIN OUR ATTEMPT TO SET A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR MOST MARRIAGES PERFORMED AT ONCE!” 

...Well. Ok then. Before he could think too deeply on whatever it was he’d stumbled on, Jamie heard knocking on the door. Paling, he almost ran for the back room and his impromptu disguise. The robes of a priest were all neatly laid out and waiting to be put on- for someone that knew how to wear them. Cursing under his breath, Jamie fumbled through pulling on the robes and stole, hoping he’d gotten it right based on vague childhood memories. Just as voices started to raise, he made his entrance, sweeping out and raising an eyebrow at the two Titans that had finally entered the church. 

“Greetings, my children. Are you here for the weddings?” He watched as the two blinked, clearly caught off guard. They hadn’t gotten a good look at his face in the chaos, and Jamie hoped that the robes and different speech would be enough to throw them off entirely. They exchanged a look, before turning back to him. Robin nodded sharply. 

“Yes, we are.” Internally, Jamie cursed. Outwardly, he just smiled and clapped his hands. 

“The more the merrier!” He declared cheerfully. “Only, are you sure you want to get married in... that?” They were still in full Titan uniform. The girl, Raven?- honestly, Jamie never thought he’d ever run into the Titans, his crime was a little small time for Jump City’s protectors. Raven raised an eyebrow right back at him. 

“Costume wedding.” She deadpanned at him, folding her arms. Jamie just nodded, keeping the grin on his face. 

“Well, all are welcome in the house of God.” He gestured to the sanctuary. “Shall we?” He invited the enormous group. They filed into the sanctuary, which had been cleared out of pews to make room for all the couples to stand. The Titans led the way, ending up standing right in front of him, just a few feet away. Their narrowed eyes never left him, and Jamie felt a cold sweat break out on his back. They clearly thought it was him, and he had no choice but to keep acting like he was the priest he was pretending to be. 

Over two hundred couples looked expectantly up him. Jamie swallowed hard, and desperately digging through every wedding scene in every cheesy romantic comedy he’d seen, began to speak. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of- well, all you lovely people whose names I really don’t know.” He grinned. A soft chuckle rolled through the church. “But I’m glad you’re all here and ready to get married.” 

Jamie wasn’t sure how he hadn’t already sweated through the robes he wore. How did he do this? His eyes landed on the hymnal, already open to the marriage ceremony, on the lectern in front of him, and he had to choke back a sigh of relief. Grabbing it, he began to read from it, prompting responses from the gathered crowd where told to. It was all going great, until he reached the word, _sermon_. Oh God. Help. His mind raced, and he could practically see the suspicions forming in the Titans watching him. Scrambling, he landed on the only speech on marriage he could remember (though he couldn’t bring himself to do the lisp, that would definitely be both suspicious and humiliating). 

“Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream… And love, true love, will follow you forever… So treasure your love.” And that was all they’d said... “Time to exchange the rings!” Jamie quickly redirected. The many couples turned to face each other, and going back to the book, Jamie coached himself and them through the ceremony. 

“And now, you’re married!” Jamie grinned at them. “Great feeling, right?” The chuckles this time were more confused, but he gamely persevered. He could almost taste the victory of having fooled the crowd and gotten away with the loot. Even the two Titans up front seemed to have relaxed as he continued on without revealing himself. The sham was working. Just to wrap up the show, Jamie raised his arms to give a blessing like he’d seen so many TV preachers do. He was home free!

This was when the many necklaces and other valuables he’d stuffed into his clothing when trying to conceal his robbery from the rest of the bank’s patrons, having been shaken and loosened by his frantic run, were finally jostled one time too many. As he raised his arms, the now loose contraband poured like a sparkling flood out from the bottom of his robe. Two rings rolled free of the mess, dropping down the stairs and running into Robin’s boots. Looking down at the very incriminating pile of evidence glistening around his feet, Jamie tried one last thing. “Wow, a wedding miracle?” He offered weakly to the approaching harbingers of doom. 

“You’re under arrest.” Robin growled in reply, a void growing around Raven’s hand in preparation. Jamie took one look at their faces, and his stressful day took its toll. His vision went black.

* * *

Raven stared at the crumpled heap of fake priest at their feet. “Really?” She deadpanned. Robin heaved a sigh and slung the unconscious criminal over his shoulder. Ignoring the muttering, confused crowd, the two Titans, completely done with this day, strode out of the building. 

Outside, the T-car idled, Cyborg waiting inside. “I _cannot_ believe you two actually went through with it.” He greeted them. “Like, I knew you were dedicated, Rick, Rae, but I didn’t think you’d seriously _get married_ just to catch a perp.” 

Robin frowned, brows furrowing in puzzlement. “So? There’s no way it was legal, not when it was a small time criminal leading the ceremony instead of an actual priest. We were just waiting for him to do something incriminating. We couldn’t exactly just arrest a random priest in case it turned out he wasn’t our thief.” 

“The paperwork would have been horrendous.” Raven added with a face. 

Cyborg laughed. “You’d think that, but... I did a little digging on our jewel thief while waiting for you two lovebirds. Turns out, a few years back he got himself ordained in one of those online programs. He was trying to run a quickie marriage scam and wanted it to sound legit. Except the program he used was _also_ legit, so he’s legally allowed to marry people in the state of California. Which this is. And you signed the paperwork before heading into the sanctuary-“ Rave recalled the forms being thrust at them. “-So...” He grinned widely at them. 

“Congratulations on tying the knot! When’s the honeymoon?” 

Robin and Raven exchanged a slow, stunned look. Robin’s mouth hung open, working soundlessly for a moment. Raven turned a glare hot enough to burn on the handcuffed, unconscious criminal laying on the curb waiting for pickup. As one, they rotated their heads back to the enormously entertained Cyborg. 

“ _WHAT!?!?_ “ 

“We’re _married_?” Robin added. 

“Yup!” Cyborg popped the ‘p’. “And didn’t even invite your friends to witness. I’m hurt.” He faked a sniffle, before the grin he had been trying to suppress came back full force. “But I gotta give you credit. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen someone crash their own wedding by arresting the priest!” 

Raven groaned. “We are never going to live this down, are we?” Staring at the gleeful grin their teammate was wearing, Robin slowly shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think so. Well, we definitely set a record today. A record for how much crap we’re going to get.” He sighed. Cyborg just cackled. 

“C’mon, lovebirds! Your reception awaits. BB and Star have it all set up.” Raven and Robin glanced at each other, before turning as one to flee. 

That was when the congratulatory fireworks display went off. 


End file.
